I extend to you my personal sympathy at your loss! When one is faced with the death of a loved one we are disturbed by what we don't know about death, let alone the loss. The simple process of death can affect our lives, our thoughts, our whole understanding of the value of our existence, it is a time we assess our own life. We go through emotions of grasping onto the things or people that are most important to us, the emotions of pain and anger at the loss of a loved one, frustration at what we take for granted, rage at thoughts that have troubled your whole world.
Arranging a funeral can be bewildering, especially if you have not had to do it before so I offer the following information to assist you at this time.
- A doctor is needed to confirm the death of a person so that a death certificate can be obtained,
- Contact me (Vicki) as your professional Funeral Celebrant to make arrangements for the funeral service,
- Then approach a Funeral Director to organise the funeral arrangements. Prices do vary so it is advisable to contact more than one funeral director to compare costs. The deceased may have organised a funeral plan with a preferred funeral director.
- Celebrant will work together with Funeral Director according to family wishes.
Celebrant's duties:
- Meet the designated family and friends to discuss visions of the ceremony.
- Listen and take notes to learn about deceased's personal story in unhurried meeting.
- Create the ceremony with eulogy, music, quotes, readings, unique symbols and rituals.
- Consult until the ceremony is just right providing unlimited consultation.
- Respectfully provide a ceremony that is as accurate as possible in all respects, recognising the unique personalities of clients, being sensitive to their needs, wishes, values, philosophical and spiritual beliefs and cultural backgrounds.
- To ensure that designated family and friends have complete choice of and approving a ceremony that is satisfying to them.
- Celebrant's personal beliefs are immaterial to this process.
- To maintain high standard of service with respect, sensitivity and professionalism and provide all services in timely manner.
- To perform the ceremony in a professional, prepared and appropriate manner with compassion, sincerity and great care.
- Correctly pronounce the names of people, places and things.
- Not to discriminate on the basis of gender, race, religion, philosophy of life, ethnicity, national origin, age, disability, or sexual orientation.
Every life has meaning and deserves to be celebrated well and funerals offer a genuine tribute honouring the life of the deceased. Nothing can take away the grief but funerals can be a valuable source of healing an important way of bringing happiness and mental balance to individuals.
Please contact Me if you would like me to conduct your deceased family or friend's funeral service on 02 9605 5485 or 0407 332214
Testimonials
- The kindness of your thoughts, who shared our sorrow has comforted and sustained us in the loss of our beloved, We thank you sincerely for your expressions of sympathy and greatly appreciated your heartfelt words in the service you conducted for our family. Your compassion during the planning of the service will always be remembered. Thank you again Vicki!
- On behalf of the Glendinning's Family we thank you for your thoughtfulness, kindness and support as we farewelled our mother. Wishing you future happiness. From R & L McDermott
We respect the deceased person's choice of life, their journey on earth and their strong feelings how they want to be laid to rest. It is important to discuss your wishes with your family, and also know their preferences as this will make funeral preparations a little easier for everyone involved.
For private reasons, religious or cultural beliefs some people are opposed to cremation, while others much prefer it to burial.
Burial -
Some believe this is more expensive as you need a more expansive burial casket, the cost of a headstone and maintenance cost in caring for the grave site. However some have purchased their grave plots alongside a family member or in a religious section where there natural human bodies are laid to rest to be reunited to the soul and spiritual bodies. Some prefer the idea that the natural human body eventually decays and becomes like dust in the earth. Some like the idea of a place to visit regularly to talk to the deceased or feel they are with them at this time
The service can be held at the graveside only or Chapel at the Cemetery or Crematorium or funeral directors followed by the graveside burial which should not exceed 15 minutes. When considering burial bear in mind the Australian weather, no facilities for seating other than immediate family members or wheelchairs; elderly, pregnant or distressed people.
Cremation -
Cremation is a quick, clean disposal of the body in a coffin of choice or a cheaper coffin such as cardboard like coffins specially designed and purchased from Life Art, Sydney. With the rising costs of funeral expenses many people are choosing cremation because it is usually less expensive than burial. Cremations allows more flexibility in planning a memorial service and family members have time to scatter the ashes in a significant location at a more appropriate time.
The lack of land for cemeteries is becoming an increasing problem and people are more conscious of our environment so consider cremation as a better alternative for the community's future.
Generally the funeral service is conducted at the Crematorium Chapel and takes 30 minutes or longer if arranged.
Alternatively a small, short basic but dignified service at the crematorium for the immediate family followed by scattering of ashes at a memorable location at a later stage. The ashes will need to be picked up from the funeral directors as arranged.
Whatever the decision made Cremation or Burial your love surrounds your deceased every day from now and forever. Rest in Peace!
Memorial ServicesMemorial service is similar to a funeral service without the committal, and when the deceased's body is not present. Some people cannot cope with the initial grief and decide for the immediate family to attend a small short service at the crematorium with a memorial service to be arranged at a later stage. Other reasons are the body may have been lost or destroyed in an accident, never found and presumed dead, death at sea, or family wishes to separate the disposal of the body from the celebration of a person's life. Also a funeral service may have been held interstate or overseas.
The memorial service may happen from days, too months, too years after the death of your loved one or on an anniversary. You may chose to have an extremely short and basic service, something dignified with some music. If a large number of guests are expected chose a location that will allow you time to greet your guests before the service and reminisce after the service. The entire length of the service is anywhere between 30-60minutes depending on arranged speeches from family, friends and colleagues including humorous storytelling, praising tributes to the life of the deceased, readings and music with moments to say goodbye.
The service can be held in chapels, private homes, gardens, beaches, community halls, clubs and venues, retirement village, funeral homes, graveside or a special place. Sometimes where the deceased may have passed away, place of an accident or sight where last seen.
Consider arranging to bring along or have provided:
- Guest book & Pen - very meaningful to the family members that records the attendance of fellow mourners
- Table - to display special remembrances, photographs, candles, flowers and other memorabilia during the service. Take time in deciding and gathering theses items.
- Order of Service Booklet - a special printed booklet or bookmark for guests to have as a memento. Simply a picture of your dearly deceased loved one with their full name or nickname, birth and death dates, the order of service and any poems.
- Memorial Cards - guests may wish to write some private words about grief and pain, memories, love of the deceased, thanks for the gift of sharing their lives and hope for the future.
- Envelopes for Donation to Charity
Miss me a little but not with your head bowed low,
Remember the joy and love that once we shared.
Memory is the treasury and keeper of all things.
Miss me - but let me go.
I am a warm person that understands the grieving process and I will help walk the families through personalized ideas that are available for the memorial service where hopefully they can find some closure.
Scattering of AshesSmall groups of family and close friends gather to scatter the ashes or bury the ashes at a special place significant to the deceased person, often at their expressed wish.
A Celebrant can conduct an informal personalized ceremony generally short with an important poem. All persons present may like to have a farewell gesture, read a favorite poem, sing a song and take a quiet moment of reflection before internment of ashes in a cemetery, scattering of ashes at special place in the garden, plant a special tree, bury under a rose tree, scatter over the waters of a lake, river or ocean. Care is taken to stand with the wind behind you and use a downward rather than an upward movement even in a mild breeze.
In the natural surroundings we dedicate this special spot to the precious memory of your deceased loved one... Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, with love we will return in peace.
I will conduct the service sensitively, respectfully and with dignity honouring the life of your dear deceased loved one.
Contact Me to discuss the vision of this service
The Funeral Service FormatThe Celebrant discusses the Funeral Service format which may vary according to individual family's situation however the following is the general format.
Entrance Music
Introduction /Opening Words by Celebrant
Words of Comfort/Thoughts on life and death
Eulogy
Reflection Time to Music
Words of Committal/Closing Words
Blessing - Rest in Peace and our love will remain with you always!
Closing Music
Other service suggestions to choose such as:
- Readings, any appropriate poems
- DVD presentation
- Music or special songs, singers or bag pipes
- Displaying of loved one's photo or other memorabilia on the casket eg. Australian Flag, Football team scarf, homemade quilt, sporting equipment, special books, The Bible.
- Some services may include spiritual wording, the Lord's Prayer, but remember nothing is imposed on you.
- Eulogies are an important part of the service and express the deceased loved one's life with a general view of celebrating the dash of their life from the beginning to the end. The Eulogies can be a wonderful story expressed with joy and laughter of a life well lived.
- Placement of flowers on casket at Reflection Time - for family and/or fellow mourners
- Instead of sending flowers you could recommend to mourners a donation to specified charity.
- Announcement of where the Wake or gathering will be held.
- Will the service be at the Crematorium Chapel and then followed by the graveside or graveside service only.
- Funeral homes or other location such as a chapel, church hall, civic building, hotel or special function venue for large congregations.
- Order of Service Booklet - are special printed booklets or bookmarks for guests to have as a memento. Simply a picture of your dearly deceased loved one with their full name or nickname, birth and death dates, the order above service and any poems.
The length of the service is generally 30 minutes. Arrive early to allow for time before the service to co-ordinate with celebrant, funeral directors and to greet guests, then be seated and the service begins. Also at the end of the service being ushered out and gathering together with fellow mourners before moving on to the Wake. You may need to consider extra time for fellow mourners to say their goodbyes so if you feel that your deceased loved one's life will be celebrated by a large attendance then talk to your funeral director and arrange for a longer service period.
I would be honoured to conduct a funeral service for your family so call me on 0407 332 214 or 02 9605 5486
"The good life is inspired by love and guided by knowledge" - Bertrand Russell (1872-1970) British Philosopher, historian and rationalist
Outlines and Preparation of a EulogyFamily members, friends and colleagues are encouraged to participate and pay tribute to the deceased. This is the core of the service where the grief of the occasion may get the better of the person giving the eulogy, so supply your written eulogy to the celebrant in case emotions take over and the celebrant will need to complete.
Every mourner has their own separate thoughts, aspects, vision of their time shared with the deceased. Their own special occasions, those wonderful moments witnessed and shared that are now beautiful memories.
If however you have not a lot of pleasant memories then it is advisable to tell the story of the deceased general life from the beginning of birth to their final last breath. You may also feel more comfortable in reading an appropriate poem or asking the celebrant to prepare a eulogy.
Writing the eulogy with the following in mind helps convey important information and illustrates the person's life, let alone aids with the grieving process.
Start with informing the fellow mourners your relationship to the deceased,
- Give a brief history including birth date, place of birth, parents, grandparents, siblings.
- Where did they go to school?
- Where did they grow up? What was their childhood like?
- Who did they marry? When and where? Children and grandchildren
- How long were they married?
- Professional and career accomplishments?
- Significant life accomplishments.
- How they affected other lives
- What have they taught you, their family and others
- Personal interests, hobbies, achievements
- Highlight the good qualities and character
- Retell the deceased's life story which can be humorous
- Uplifting by using funny quotes, their quirky traits and sayings
- Say farewell to deceased from you and the family
A typical eulogy is about 5 minutes in length. It is recommended to leave the emotional elements for the end of the eulogy. Any additional tributes given by family or friends should be limited in length to keep the service from going too long. Young children and family members may want to write down a few sentences to be read aloud by the celebrant or the person giving the eulogy. Supply a copy of the eulogy to the celebrant to eliminate duplication of information and the service can be composed according to allocated time.
I hopes this information is of great assistance when considering writing your expressions of praise! So Call 0407 332214 or 02 9605 5486
MusicThe funeral music is very important and suitable song timing is delicate as it can create a fairly solemn tone or a more cheerful piece to lift the spirits of the mourners. There is a wealth of music that covers a range of moods, age groups and there is nothing to restrict the kind of music of personal taste. Also the deceased may have already chosen their music which is a increasing wish.
The amount of songs and where required in the service:
- Before the service, whilst the coffin is being carried in
- During Reflection Time
- During Power point presentation
- After the ceremony to quietly sit and say Goodbye and then leave the chapel
- At Burial if applies
All Funeral Directors supply a list of popular music and organize the music to be played at the Chapel/ Crematorium and prefer early decision on chosen music. If however they do not have your selected songs then you may be required to supply the CD in plenty of time prior to the funeral service so as to eliminate any technical hitches. It is also feasible to organize any family/friends to perform, professional singers, guitarists, bagpipes, etc to participate in the service. The time of the music is imperative when organizing the length of the service so that the service does not run over specified time.
Poems, Readings, Religious Readings and Prayers for Funeral ServiceThe celebrant can provide and recommend to the family inspirational readings, beautiful poems even some religious readings and prayers that family members or friends are free to perform or the celebrant. There are many suitable poems by poets that cannot be mentioned due to copyright laws; however it is worth looking for a selection of suitable poems and prose readings for all the family to decide on the appropriate one or two. The poems can set the mourners at ease or set the tone and pace with words that are symbolic and meaningful. The poem may be a favourite of the deceased and depending on the wording for placement in the service. The poem is always provided in the order of service booklet or bookmark if one is produced.
As your celebrant I will offer a selection of poetry and readings or prayers!
Do Not Stand at my Grave and Weep - Mary Elizabeth Frye
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
Miss Me ~ But Let Me Go - Author Unknown
When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me,
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room;
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little ~ but not too long
And not with your head bowed low,
Remember the love that we once shared,
Miss me ~ but let me go.
For this is a journey that we all must take
And each must go alone,
It's all a part of the Master's plan,
A step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart,
Go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrow in doing good deeds,
Miss me ~ but let me go
Prayers
The Lord's Prayer, The Prayer of St. Francis, A Prayer for the One Who is Left, The Irish Blessing
Scripture Readings
Psalm 46:1-3, Psalm 25:1-11
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (adapted), Isaiah 54:10, Matthew 11:28-30, Mark 10:13-16, John 3:16, John 5:19-29, John 6:35-40, John 11:17-27, John 11:25
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (adapted), Romans 8:31-39, 2 Corinthians 13-14, Philippians 3:8-21, Revelation 21:1-7
In the unfortunate event and death of a loved one this is the hardest part of anyone's life, then in such a short period of time you have to plan the funeral service which is never easy for anyone as grieving is difficult. You may contact a celebrant of your choice who will coordinate with the funeral director or you may consult with a celebrant recommended from the funeral directors or ask a family member to decide. The celebrant you choose will have a large part in shaping the overall dynamics of the funeral service.
The deceased may have paid for their funeral or organised a funeral director that they prefer so check before you contact any funeral directors. Chose a reputable Funeral Director and make sure that you feel comfortable with the staff who will expertly guide you through the process. They organise the legal documents being registration of the death, obtain certificates/permits, place the Obituary notice in newspapers, preparation of the body, transport of the body, transport such as a hearse or special cars, payment of fees for the cemetery or crematorium or flowers, organise the funeral service to be held at the Chapel at the Crematorium, the Funeral Home or the Church. They are responsible for coordinating the funeral and discuss the arrangement details and arrival times.
Things to consider are:
- Cremation or Burial - personal decision of deceased loved one must be respected if you are aware of their wishes. Also the cost may be a factor to consider.
- If Cremation consider the remains being placed or scattered in a significant location and when to pick up the ashes.
- Viewing of the deceased or for a vigil must be organized with the funeral Director. If prior to the service then the Funeral Celebrant must also be notified.
- A chapel at the Crematorium or a service at the Cemetery only
- A service at the Old St. Thomas Chapel- Narellan Ph: 02 4648 5690 (non-denominational church) followed by the Committal at the cemetery
- If Memorial Service
- If Burial consider the headstone to purchase at a later stage
- Choosing a casket
- Gather together your special memorabilia and photographs and make arrangement with the funeral coordinator
- Guest books are very meaningful for family members as they are records of the guests that attended and signed. The book and a pen are generally provided by Funeral Homes
- Flower arrangements or you may have you own florist
- Audio and Visual needs
- Will the normal time of the service be long enough to honour the life of the deceased or do you need to arrange for extra time
- Reception arrangements
For many people viewing your deceased loved one this can help the bereavement process and especially some children. Tears are normal and expected - there is no right way to react to the sudden death of a relative or friend. You may experience feelings in the next few days such as extreme sadness, guilt or anger. Tears reduce tension but also beware your reflexes may slow down and you may be more prone to accidents and illnesses. Please take care!
The person who approaches the Funeral Director is the representative from the family/friend and is the person legally responsible for the funeral account. You have plenty of time to decide what you want to do and that you are happy with your choices, so before signing any agreements be aware of costs and method of payment ensuring the majority of family agrees with the decisions. Those that complain about high costs of funerals have not experienced the quality and care taken particularly of the small details and some miracles that the Funeral Director's offer. The recommended fee for Celebrants in NSW is $250-$350 including GST
"Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted"
Contacts ... Other People You May Need To Contact- Public Trustee if the deceased had no will but had assets or an estate
- A solicitor, about legal matters
- Bank manager, particularly if you shared a joint bank account, or if you need finance for the funeral
- The employer of the person who died
- Motor registry office
- Tax office
- Medicare office
- Health fund
- Trade Union
- Clubs they be members of
- Superannuation fund
- Life Insurance
- Any agency that has a contract with the person who died
- Funeral fund for details on pre-paid funeral products
- Contributory funds company
- Funeral Insurance Company
- Funeral Bonds
- Commonwealth Department of Veterans' Affairs
- Centrelink
- Pensioner Association
There are many people willing to assist you and help you begin a new life without the person you have loved. Here are some contacts with various agencies for more professional counselling that are free of charge.
PROFESSIONAL COUNSELLING IN SOUTH WEST SYDNEY
Local Community Health Centres offer free counselling from health professionals such as Social Workers and Psychologists, some of whom specialise in grief counselling.
| Bankstown | 02 9780 2777 |
| Campbelltown | 1300 669 663 |
| Fairfield | 02 9794 1700 |
| Liverpool | 02 9828 4844 |
Bereavement Services in the Community
Grief Support- a 24hour free telephone service
Phone: (02) 9489 6644
Lifeline- a 24 hour free telephone service
Phone: 131114
Solace- for widows/ers
Phone: (02) 9519 2820 (Mon to Fri 9am - 5pm)
Braeside Bereavement Counselling Service- for bereaved families of patients receiving palliative care
Phone: (02) 9616 8678 (Mon, Thur and Fri)
Services Related to the Death of a Child
Bereavement C.A.R.E. Centre
Counselling for children who have experienced a bereavement
Phone: 1300 654 556
Compassionate Friends
For parents whose child, of any age, has died
Phone: (02) 9290 2355
SIDS and Kids NSW
Stillbirth, Neonatal Death, Miscarriage, SIDS and the death of any child up to 6 years of age. Counsellors and support groups are available.
Phone: 1800 651 186 (24 hours)
Other Useful Contacts
Centrelink
Notify Centrelink of the death of deceased and also check your eligibility for bereavement assistance
Ph: 13 23 00 www.centrelink.gov.au
Commonwealth Department of Veterans' Affairs
Ph: 13 32 54 - Check you may be eligible for an official war grave
Law Access NSW
Ph: 1300 888 529 www.lawaccess.nsw.gov.au
National Association for Loss and Grief
Ph: 6882 9222 www.nalag.org.au
NSW Health (for Public Health Units)
Ph: 9391 9000 www.health.nsw.gov.au
Office of Fair Trading
General Enquiries: 13 32 20
Online to lodge a complaint about a problem that was unsuccessfully resolved with the funeral director or fund: www.fairtrading.nsw.gov.au
Language assistance 131450 (interpreter in your language)
Hearing impaired TTY 1300 723 404
Q. Is there a cheaper option than a basic funeral?
A. Yes. Most Funeral Directors offer a direct committal which is a cremation or burial without a service.
Q. Can we arrange our own memorial service?
A. Yes, you can organise a service with a celebrant to conduct at a venue of your choice.
Q. What is a basic funeral?
A. Also called a 'budget' or 'economy' funeral being the lowest cost funeral which the funeral director can provide.
Q. What does the basic funeral include?
A. These services are conducted weekdays between 8am - 5pm
- Obtaining Medical Certificates or permits, registration of death
- Least expensive coffin supplied
- Arranging and conducting the funeral service at the funeral director's premises or the burial or cremation site.
- Storing the body in a holding room or mortuary
- Preparing the body for burial or cremation
- Transporting the body to the funeral director's premises or mortuary
- Transporting the body to the burial or cremation site
NB: There is a limited distance for each journey otherwise there may be an extra charge.
Q. Can we shop around for quotes and services provided?
A. Yes you can and each funeral director will give you a written quote itemising their services and costs, including GST, also with estimated costs of necessary disbursements.
Q. Do we have to sign any quotes?
A. Yes, you are signing that you have received the quote however signing this basic funeral notice slip does not mean you are committing to a funeral with this funeral director.
Q. When do we pay for the funeral?
A. You may be asked for a deposit and then pay the balance after you receive the itemised final statement or invoice. This may depend on your arrangements with the funeral director being either before or after the completion of the funeral service.
Q. Who is responsible to pay for the funeral?
A. The person arranging the funeral is financially responsible and is the only person who can sign all permits and make arrangements with the funeral director. Generally the executor of the deceased person's will as they have legal authority. The executor may choose to pass this responsibility onto the next of kin or other family members or friends.
Q. If NO WILL who can arrange the funeral?
A. The court may appoint an administrator of the estate but this will take some time, normally the next of kin or other family members or friends can arrange the funeral but once again are financially responsible for the costs.
Q. How can we check if a funeral fund company is legitimate before committing to a pre-paid funeral?
A. Call 1800 502 042 Fair Trading to check if the funeral fund company is registered.
Q. What are funeral bonds?
A. Your own money that is set aside as a bond and paid when the funeral is required.
Q. What are contributory funds?
A. Money submitted to a particular funeral director for part of or all of a funeral service. The money is paid in small regular payments.
Q. When is a funeral insurance policy paid?
A. A specified cash payment is paid upon death of the insurer; this amount depends on the contribution over the years.
Q. Can I buy my grave plot while I am alive?
A. Yes you may purchase this directly from a cemetery or crematorium.
Q. Can I chose my place in a memorial garden or wall niche?
A. Yes you may purchase this directly from a cemetery or crematorium.
Q. Where can I go for grief assistance?
A. Look under the Contacts on this website or you will be given a pamphlet form your funeral director.
Engage my services as your celebrant and I will answer any other questions you may have so Contact Me on 02 9605 5486 or
Email me: vicki@marriagecelebrant4u.com.au